This is my grandmother. Her name was Jean Barber Smith, but I call her Neeny. On Saturday morning, she died. It was her 91st birthday.
The night before, I could see that she was rallying. Hospice said that might happen. It is, apparently, common for people nearing the ends of their lives to perk up a bit right before. On Friday night, Neeny was more lively than I’d seen her in weeks. She sat up with us for several hours, first eating dinner with us in the dining room and then sitting with us in the blue room—her library—talking with us, talking on the phone, and opening the ten or so cards that came in the mail for her that day.
We must have all seen it for what it was. But we had plans for her birthday. Dad was going to sing “Happy Birthday” to her with his guitar, and Mom was going to write her a poem. I was going to make a video of myself playing the piano and decorate her room with balloons and a huge “Happy Birthday!” banner. My brother was driving down from Austin for the party.
When I left her house on Friday night, it never occurred to me that we wouldn’t get to have our birthday party with Neeny.
I know I should feel lucky that I had her as long as I did, because not everyone gets to live for ninety-one years. But I just want more years.
I’m told that we move forward by remembering Neeny and the countless happy memories we had with her. But right now it hurts to touch them.
I want to make more memories, not grasp at the ones I have, the ones that are already elusive. I want Neeny to be more than a photo in a frame, a voice on a recording, or even years of happy memories. No matter how greedy it makes me, I want her to be here.
I know what you mean, Rebecca. I want more, too, only not the way she was now. She worked so hard and overcame so many of her health problems. But this one she could not overcome. So my gratitude is to God for allowing her to be with us for 91 years and taking her “home” to be with Him, healing all her afflictions, and reuniting her with all the ones she loved and lost for a while. I look forward to the day I may be with her again, also, in a place where there is only joy and love, which is what she was “in spades”!
Love you.
precious girl……………Your Neeny not only left behind beautiful memories for all of us…but, in her children and grandchildren there is a part of her….look in the mirror and see her smile or hear her laugh……and touch your heart and feel her gentle hug and love